Why is it that so many church leaders are emotionally exhausted, disheartened, and stressed? Why does this result in so many ending up burning out, giving up, or falling out of ministry? And what can be done to change this? These were the question I took to my master’s research. What I found staggered me. One piece of research showed that the longer you were in ministry the more your emotional intelligence decreased.[1] It is amazing anyone wants to be a pastor. Another, equally staggering result came from a comparative study, where they compared the emotional intelligence of church leaders to those in other groups. What they found was that church leaders had an emotional intelligence that was comparable to those in addiction recovery![2] Now this was not because we attract those with lower emotional intelligence to the role, on the contrary, what I found was it was the way the role was perceived and lived out that was inherently damaging to our pastors. From my research I was able to discern five key factors that were undermining church leaders’ wellbeing, resilience, and ability to thrive in ministry.
- Over-identification with the role
- Misdirected calling
- Pull to perfectionism
- Isolation
- Misdirected spirituality
1) Over-identification with the role. Of all the different factors undermining the emotional health and intelligence of a church leader the lynchpin is something called “role identity”.[3] This term simply means that a person’s identity is overly connected to their role. In one sense they are the role. What happens in the role, whether it is deemed a success or a failure, is felt to unerringly reflect their worthiness as a person. As a result, their success in the role must be protected (unconsciously or not) for their own emotional and psychological survival. One example of this came from research that found church leaders exposed in an affair not to be primarily concerned for the wellbeing of the other party, their family, or even their own spiritual health, but rather whether they would be able to keep their job.[4] It is this dynamic of over-identifying with the role that would appear to make the leader susceptible to the other unhealthy factors.
2) Misdirected calling. This was the shift from seeing success through the lens of spiritual leadership to organisational growth.[5] The research showed that most leaders expressed their desire to be a spiritual leader when starting out in ministry but found the pressure for concrete measurements, such as Sunday attendance and income, profoundly influenced what was perceived as success. The desire to be a spiritual leader may have stayed with them, and they may verbally dismiss that numbers are central to their success, but their sense of wellbeing was shown to be profoundly connected to whether the church was growing numerically or was considered to be of a sufficient size. The issue here is not about whether we need to focus on numeric growth but rather the unhealthy connection it has to a leader’s emotional wellbeing. It also limited a leader’s calling down to what the role would allow, leaving many feeling frustrated and stuck.
3) The pull to perfectionism. This was not about doing everything perfectly but about appearing the ‘perfect’ way they felt they needed to in the role.[6] Many felt they were on display (like in a fishbowl) with their marriage, parenting, emotions, etc., all being scrutinised and assessed by others. As such they felt they needed to appear a certain way in order to be perceived as fulfilling what was expected of a person in their role. What was not often recognised by the leader was that appearing a certain way comes at the cost of “emotional labour”. This is the additional emotional energy a person uses to maintain the appearance over the reality of their inner world. The amount of additional emotional energy a person has to expend each day to maintain the ‘perfect’ appearance unnecessarily wearies many leaders to the point where they end up in ‘brownout’ or even ‘burnout’.
4) Isolation. It is often said that church leadership is a lonely job but what makes it worse is the above three factors can cause leaders to isolate themselves emotionally. The research showed that many leaders do not believe they have others with whom they can be honest and vulnerable; whether congregants, denominational leaders or other church leaders. All three groups of people were seen as some form of threat to how they might be perceived in fulfilling their role. In fact, other church leaders were not considered to be a source of support but were rather seen as competitors, with 80% of church leaders surveyed indicating that they were jealous of the success of other leaders.[7] Leaders had few, sometimes no one, they turned to and as a result carried unresolved tension, dilemmas, and burdens. This internal pressure meant that many leaders felt trapped to the point where they considered ‘sinning’ as a way to justify breaking free of the role.[8]
5) Misdirected Spirituality. One of the most fascinating aspects I discovered was the way mental and emotional health was strengthened or undermined based on the orientation of a leader’s spirituality.[9] If the leader’s spirituality was ‘intrinsic’ it provided mental and emotional protection and resilience (you could call it a spiritual immune system). By ‘intrinsic’ it means that the leader’s spirituality is focused primarily on relating to God for the relationship’s sake. An ‘extrinsic’ spirituality removes the ‘immune system’ and makes the leader vulnerable, both mentally and emotionally. ‘Extrinsic’ spirituality occurs when a person’s relationship with God is primarily centred on external purposes. They read the bible for sermon preparation rather than devotion; they pray in groups or for others, rather than for personal communion; they pray for the church to grow or difficult people to be removed; or they engage in spiritual activities or disciplines because they feel they should, or to offset a sense of guilt.
The way the role is constructed seems to cause many leaders’ focus to shift from spiritual leadership to the more concrete aspects of the job, such as attendance, staffing issues and income levels. These concrete aspect are also connected with what it means to be successful in the role. This causes the leader’s sense of significance, adequacy, or worth to be tied to the successful fulfilling of those role expectations. All of this can then put pressure on the leader’s spirituality, with many subtly and imperceptibly moving from having intrinsic to extrinsic spirituality. When we consider these five factors it is no wonder that leaders often find the role emotionally taxing and can experience ongoing disappointments.
Any one of these five factors can be detrimental to a leader’s emotional health and wellbeing, stagnating them and the church. Together they can have a truly damaging effect. From what I saw these five factors are often invisibly present. No one means for this to occur, it is just a part of the current reality. I want to see this change. We need to help leaders become more aware of these dynamics and build resilience against their influence. This is one of the reasons I created the Leadership Transformation Course. My aim is to give leaders the insights and skills needed to minister out of their identity in Jesus and fulfil their calling more fully. I want see more and more leaders thriving in their calling and ministering long-term.
Richard Black
BA, BD, MCouns
Endnotes
[1] Christopher R Gambill, ‘Emotional Intelligence and Conflict Management Style among Christian Clergy’, 2008.
[2] Jill Anne Hendron, Pauline Irving, and Brian J. Taylor, ‘The Emotionally Intelligent Ministry: Why It Matters’, Mental Health, Religion & Culture 17, no. 5 (2014): 470–78.
[3] David K Pooler, ‘Pastors and Congregations at Risk: Insights from Role Identity Theory’, Pastoral Psychology 60 (2011): 705–12.
[4] Pooler.
[5] Andrew Irvine, ‘Clergy Wellbeing: Seeking Wholeness with Integrity’, Center for Clergy Care and Congregational Health, University of Toronto, 2005.
[6] Mark R. McMinn et al., ‘Care for Pastors: Learning from Clergy and Their Spouses’, Pastoral Psychology 53 (2005): 563–81.
[7] Irvine, ‘Clergy Wellbeing’.
[8] Pooler, ‘Pastors and Congregations’.
[9] Ellen Paek, ‘Religiosity and Perceived Emotional Intelligence among Christians’, Personality and Individual Differences 41, no. 3 (2006): 479–90.
